Loss can reveal the value of connection
“Friendship is important and fragile. Value your friends!”
A respondent reflecting on the death of a close friend.
The Misery Survey
Preliminary Results
An early snapshot
These results reflect responses received through September 8, 2026. The sample is still very small, so the findings below are descriptive rather than representative. This page will evolve as more people participate.
Who has responded
Demographic snapshot
34–62
Age range
Ages reported: 34, 54, 58, 60, and 62
3 + 2
Gender responses
Three identified as men; two as women
3 + 2
Relationship status
Three partnered; two single
Frequency and intensity
How forms of misery rank
Participants ranked 13 forms of misery. The figures show the average rank, where 1 is highest. Longer bars indicate a higher average placement. With only four complete rankings, differences should not be treated as established patterns.
Most frequently experienced
- Anxiety 4.0
- Rejection 4.3
- Grief 5.5
- Envy 5.8
- Guilt 6.3
- Regret 6.5
- Shame 6.8
- Waiting 7.0
- Loneliness 7.8
- Jealousy 7.8
- Boredom 8.8
- Depression 10.0
- Corrosive anger 10.8
Most intensely experienced
- Rejection 3.5
- Shame 3.8
- Corrosive anger 5.5
- Grief 5.8
- Depression 7.3
- Anxiety 7.5
- Loneliness 7.5
- Jealousy 7.5
- Envy 7.8
- Waiting 7.8
- Guilt 8.3
- Regret 8.5
- Boredom 10.5
In respondents' own experiences
Early qualitative themes
Competence can become tied to self-worth
“It's really hard for me to stop striving.”
A respondent describing anxiety connected to feeling a need to be capable, reliable, and needed.
Perfectionism may connect different miseries
“I try hard to be perfect even though I know that is not rational. I do not give myself slack.”
The same respondent linked perfectionism and limited self-forgiveness to guilt.
Waiting can crowd out the present
“The misery of waiting is something I know inherently is preventing me from enjoying the present, but it is difficult to escape.”
A respondent describing health-related uncertainty and waiting for a procedure.
Uncertainty can create a search for reassurance
“You just want any little story about how someone in your situation had things work out positively, even though you know the stats and know it's a long shot.”
A respondent describing a prolonged period of uncertainty while hoping for a positive outcome.
Hope can make negative thoughts feel guilty
“There is a little guilt if you let yourself think about things not working out well.”
The same respondent described guilt arising alongside hope and dread during a difficult wait.
These themes summarize a very small number of responses and are offered as observations, not general conclusions.